When I was 16 years old, I was in deep like with a guy I was dating. He was purely the anti-boyfriend of my parents' choosing. He drove a black car with a souped up engine. He smoked cigarettes. He had horrible manners. He would beep the horn for me when he came to pick me up. It drove my mother crazy. I mean really looking back - he had no respect.
But that's not why I'll remember him. What I'll remember is that I went to an amusement park one weekend and bought a keychain that had both our names with a heart in between them. I thought it was cute and I thought he'd get a little chuckle out of it. Uh - not! He read me the riot act about how I pressure guys (how he heard about me) and that I was simply too pushy and that he didn't think this whole thing was going to work out. All this on my front doorstep. Needless to say, I was devastated. I hadn't known this about myself whether it was his truth or the truth. I carried it with me up until the point I realized that I was in a fully reciprocal relationship (my wedding day!).
What's the moral of this story? Well, it was kind of pushy for me to buy a keychain with our names when he wasn't my boyfriend and he didn't buy it with me or for me. I was forcing the issue. So take this teenage lesson and apply it to your lives now - never force the issue. It only makes you look desperate or clueless.
-GirlShrink
http://www.girlshrink.com
To subscribe to the self-help GirlShrink newsletter "Better Choices",
please go to:The Free GirlShrink Newsletter
Is it cheating if your partner won't give you any?
A male client once asked me a very interesting question: Is it cheating if my wife won't have sex with me?
My answer - uh, yes!
Of course I can't leave it at that. If you aren't having sex with your partner do you know why? Do you think you know or have you discussed it? So, what are you going to do about it? Cheat?
Of course there is a strong personal value part to this issue. What do you believe in? What is your moral/ethical code?
But on another level - if you think that by holding out on sex you are executing some sort of control over a bigger relationship issue, you probably aren't. Many men just begin to wander.
If you are not having sex because of other issues. Physical or emotional. Then you need to talk to someone. Don't start another year with bad communication between you and your partner.
Hey, sex is fun. Even fantastic when properly executed:) Don't miss out on the fun!
Let's talk about sex!
-GirlShrink
http://www.GirlShrink.com
To subscribe to the self-help GirlShrink newsletter "Better Choices",
please go to: The Free GirlShrink Newsletter
My answer - uh, yes!
Of course I can't leave it at that. If you aren't having sex with your partner do you know why? Do you think you know or have you discussed it? So, what are you going to do about it? Cheat?
Of course there is a strong personal value part to this issue. What do you believe in? What is your moral/ethical code?
But on another level - if you think that by holding out on sex you are executing some sort of control over a bigger relationship issue, you probably aren't. Many men just begin to wander.
If you are not having sex because of other issues. Physical or emotional. Then you need to talk to someone. Don't start another year with bad communication between you and your partner.
Hey, sex is fun. Even fantastic when properly executed:) Don't miss out on the fun!
Let's talk about sex!
-GirlShrink
http://www.GirlShrink.com
To subscribe to the self-help GirlShrink newsletter "Better Choices",
please go to: The Free GirlShrink Newsletter
Surviving another year of relationships
It's the New Year and another year is upon us. You want to make changes. Lose weight. Save money. Discover your true self. Fall in love or get rid of a bad one. Hey, I hear you. This is the time to do it. This is the time to really take some self inventory - and ask yourself what you really want from a relationship?
I mean, how can you survive another year of meeting people, maybe sleeping with people, and possibly forgetting those people and moving on to another or others. Or what if you are in a stale relationship? One that has run its course. Are you frightened of the unknown? But are you sick of being frightened? Or are you someone that seems to never meet anyone. It's not as easy as it was at 16 yrs. old - huh? Well, maybe you are closed to meeting people and you just didn't realize it. Maybe you are going to the wrong places. Traveling with too many people or with the wrong group of people. Can't meet anyone of quality when the whole party you are with is drunk:)
Well, the good news is it's another year to try again at correcting your errors. Making smarter decisions. Finally, add in a little dose of optimism and you may be on your way to a positive 2005.
Here's to love!
-GirlShrink
http://www.girlshrink.com
I mean, how can you survive another year of meeting people, maybe sleeping with people, and possibly forgetting those people and moving on to another or others. Or what if you are in a stale relationship? One that has run its course. Are you frightened of the unknown? But are you sick of being frightened? Or are you someone that seems to never meet anyone. It's not as easy as it was at 16 yrs. old - huh? Well, maybe you are closed to meeting people and you just didn't realize it. Maybe you are going to the wrong places. Traveling with too many people or with the wrong group of people. Can't meet anyone of quality when the whole party you are with is drunk:)
Well, the good news is it's another year to try again at correcting your errors. Making smarter decisions. Finally, add in a little dose of optimism and you may be on your way to a positive 2005.
Here's to love!
-GirlShrink
http://www.girlshrink.com
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