Cheaters. Cheaters. Cheaters.
Are you checking your lover's email? Phone messages? Mail? Pockets?
If you are...guess what...you've got some serious trust issues, and it's just not healthy living for you or your relationship. There are some reasons for your behavior. Let's see -- you've been cheated on by him before. He has cheated on an ex before. Someone else cheated on you. Your father cheated on your mother. He's too cute for you. He's a flirt. You've been taught to never trust any man.
Well, I'm here to tell you that "The Search" for something will lead you to just that--something. It may not really be what you think it is. A phone number here. A suspicious email there. But if you want to find something, then you will. And it's just toxic for how you deal with men now and in the future. You will never be able to enjoy your relationship for what it is now. Wouldn't you just rather have a great time and PERHAPS find out two years from now that he had a one night stand, then agonize about his fidelity for the entire two years.
Hey, I don't know---I'm just saying. Enjoy your life. It's short. I'm absolutely not saying to stay with a cheater. But don't let the search consume your life. If he is going to cheat - he will cheat, and there's absolutely nothing you can do to stop that.
So in the meantime, look really deep inside yourself and figure out where your trust issues stem from. And then tell yourself...I will not let someone else's bad judgment interfere with my today and with my future.
*Side note: If you are in a relationship and you are not a habitual "searcher", and your instinct is telling you something is not right...then by all means...act on it.
Much Success!
-GirlShrink
Do you need to talk? Or do you need advice? A fresh perspective?
You can get what you need at www.Girlshrink.com 24 hours a day. Advice and counseling that you can really apply to your life.
Or to subscribe to the self-help GirlShrink newsletter "Better Choices",
please go to:The Free GirlShrink Newsletter
When he says he can't be monogamous
I must say. I do appreciate when a man can be honest about his feelings. His philosophies on life. His past. Honesty is really the key to sustaining any real relationship. But are we ready to handle the truth about a man and his feelings on being monogamous?
Just the other day - a friend of mine said that she saw an old boyfriend from high school at a restaurant. He looked great and asked her to join him at his table. They talked about old times, and of course caught up on their lives.
She left that dinner with his address, phone number, and a time and place for their next date. He was so excited about their reunion that he called her later that evening. He wanted to talk more. She was just as elated to hear from him. So they talked for about 90 minutes, and during that conversation he felt the need to be upfront on one of his realizations on life.
He told her that he didn't believe monogamy worked. That is was just too much pressure to put on people in today's society. He said that he wanted to be upfront about it because he knew that a lot of women had problems with this way of thinking. He also added that he could already see that she was "forward thinking" and not weighed down by traditional norms of society. Uh - what? Anyway, she told me this whole story and ended it by saying that they seemed to have such a connection, that she was willing to at least explore the relationship and see where it might head.
She said that she herself had cheated on boyfriends in the past - and that he may have something. Hey, at least he was honest.
Well ladies - he does get an A for honesty. And maybe even an A for effort. And hey, let's throw one more in for the sheer confidence you must have in yourself to even lay that out on the table so early in the game.
But I had to tell my friend that she was setting herself up. Of course it all looked good now - but once she got in deep and started really having feelings for this man - she would want him for herself. Its how we are raised in this society - and whether it is the best system or not - it is the system we have. Does that mean I am a conformist? Well, maybe. But more so it means that I am just not into man sharing. And I'm all about impulse control. Hey, if I have a nice pair of diamond earrings, but see a pair of ruby ones I like too but can't afford - am I going to take them because I think that I should have them? Uh - no.
I'm not telling what you to do. Each person has to live their own lives. But I've heard it a million times. You know the truth. It isn't the greatest truth to hear. But you overlook it for a few months or even a year or so - until one day you realize that you should have never accepted that truth into your life. You should have stood behind your own philosophies. Your own truths. And only accept what you know makes sense to you.
Much Success!
-GirlShrink
Do you need to talk? Or do you need advice? A fresh perspective?
You can get what you need at www.Girlshrink.com 24 hours a day. Advice and counseling that you can really apply to your life.
Or to subscribe to the self-help GirlShrink newsletter "Better Choices",
please go to:The Free GirlShrink Newsletter
Just the other day - a friend of mine said that she saw an old boyfriend from high school at a restaurant. He looked great and asked her to join him at his table. They talked about old times, and of course caught up on their lives.
She left that dinner with his address, phone number, and a time and place for their next date. He was so excited about their reunion that he called her later that evening. He wanted to talk more. She was just as elated to hear from him. So they talked for about 90 minutes, and during that conversation he felt the need to be upfront on one of his realizations on life.
He told her that he didn't believe monogamy worked. That is was just too much pressure to put on people in today's society. He said that he wanted to be upfront about it because he knew that a lot of women had problems with this way of thinking. He also added that he could already see that she was "forward thinking" and not weighed down by traditional norms of society. Uh - what? Anyway, she told me this whole story and ended it by saying that they seemed to have such a connection, that she was willing to at least explore the relationship and see where it might head.
She said that she herself had cheated on boyfriends in the past - and that he may have something. Hey, at least he was honest.
Well ladies - he does get an A for honesty. And maybe even an A for effort. And hey, let's throw one more in for the sheer confidence you must have in yourself to even lay that out on the table so early in the game.
But I had to tell my friend that she was setting herself up. Of course it all looked good now - but once she got in deep and started really having feelings for this man - she would want him for herself. Its how we are raised in this society - and whether it is the best system or not - it is the system we have. Does that mean I am a conformist? Well, maybe. But more so it means that I am just not into man sharing. And I'm all about impulse control. Hey, if I have a nice pair of diamond earrings, but see a pair of ruby ones I like too but can't afford - am I going to take them because I think that I should have them? Uh - no.
I'm not telling what you to do. Each person has to live their own lives. But I've heard it a million times. You know the truth. It isn't the greatest truth to hear. But you overlook it for a few months or even a year or so - until one day you realize that you should have never accepted that truth into your life. You should have stood behind your own philosophies. Your own truths. And only accept what you know makes sense to you.
Much Success!
-GirlShrink
Do you need to talk? Or do you need advice? A fresh perspective?
You can get what you need at www.Girlshrink.com 24 hours a day. Advice and counseling that you can really apply to your life.
Or to subscribe to the self-help GirlShrink newsletter "Better Choices",
please go to:The Free GirlShrink Newsletter
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