tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-82824092024-03-07T13:58:22.441-05:00Relationship SurvivalRelationships can be complicated, difficult, painful and unsatisfying - but they can often be rewarding, loving, wonderful and fulfilling. Which do you want? Let's figure it out together!
Written by relationship expert - Lisa Angelettie M.S.W. Founder of GirlShrink.comUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger41125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8282409.post-53669877454801820052012-05-11T18:26:00.002-04:002012-05-11T18:26:40.448-04:00Relationship Depression<h2>
What To Do About Your Relationship Depression</h2>
There is something really different and difficult about the type of depression that you can see in a relationship. For one, not a lot of people take it seriously because many people don't thing that a relationship is reason enough to be "depressed". Many people feel that death of a loved one is a good reason. Loss of income/job is a good reason. But not a "bad" relationship or the "end" of a relationship. Somehow, people many people dismiss that pain as something less.<br />
<br />
Yet if you've ever been in a relationship, you know that isn't the case. Depression in or after a relationship is very real and can be very devastating. Here are some case study examples, perhaps you connect with one of these scenarios. (*Names have been changed for privacy)<br />
<br />
<b>Case Study 1 - Regina and Mark</b><br />
Regina and Mark are a couple who are in their 20s and have been in a relationship for 3 years. Their relationship was pretty steady and dependable according to both of them until Mark was offered a job on in Texas (they lived in Connecticut). They decided that they wouldn't let the move end their relationship and continued to see each other exclusively.<br />
<br />
Mark moved to Texas but 9 months into the move he had an affair with a new co-worker. He confessed to Regina and Regina ended the relationship. Regina has not been able to sleep, has been crying at random times of the day, eats irregularly, and was been put on probation by her job for poor performance since the split. The split was 6 months ago.<br />
<br />
This is not just the "blues". What Regina is experiencing is normal when you've suffered what I call a "relationship injury". She is so angry that Mark moved, that Mark cheated, and that her relationship is no longer what she can depend on -- she turned all that anger inward and became clinically depressed.<br />
<br />
I recommended that Regina seek weekly therapy immediately and begin a weekly exercise ritual of either Yoga, Walking, or dancing.<br />
<br />
<b>Case Study 2 - Ursula and Ben</b><br />
Ursula and Ben are a married couple in their 30s. They have been married for 5 years. For three of those five years, Ben has been drinking alcohol excessively. After work. With meals. Before bed. Every day. His behavior when he drinks is starting to take a serious toll on their marriage. While he is able to maintain his job, it's about all he can do. When he comes home he is really unable to engage Ursula. He drinks and plays on the computer until it's time for bed. Ursula wants to have a baby but is worried that she would be bringing it into an unhappy home.<br />
<br />
This is not just what "men do". This is someone (Ben) who is depressed and is medicating himself with alcohol to manage the psychological pain that accompanies depression. Why he is depressed is a bigger issue that should be discovered and worked through in therapy and no big life decisions should be made between Ursula and Ben (like having a baby) until this issues including the alcohol use are addressed.<br />
<br />
If you feel that you may be depressed because of something going on in your relationship or after a bad break up, take it seriously. Sure, sometimes time can heal a lot of things, but it's better to make sure that you will treat yourself safely during the time that it takes you to heal. Sometimes it's important to discuss your feelings in an effort to forgive yourself or the other person in order to heal. In that case, I recommend that you talk to a counselor or therapist in your local area. Other options are a a spiritual leader in your community, a trusted family member or friend.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "pub-1764266818063482";
google_ad_width = 728;
google_ad_height = 90;
google_ad_format = "728x90_as";
google_ad_type = "text";
google_ad_channel ="";
google_color_border = "660099";
google_color_bg = "FFCCFF";
google_color_link = "000000";
google_color_url = "00008B";
google_color_text = "330066";
//--></script>
<script type="text/javascript"
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
</script></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8282409.post-79567632141592352782008-01-15T17:45:00.000-05:002008-01-15T18:28:55.649-05:00Should Your Fiance Sign A Prenup?More and more women are entering the workforce making competitive salaries and/or starting their own successful businessess. In many cases, women are out-earning many of the men they are dating, and falling in love with men who make 10, 40, even 100,000 dollars less than they do.<br /><br />So what's a girl to do when she's ready to marry? Is it necessary to do anything necessary to protect her financial security? <strong>Should her fiance sign a prenup?</strong> I think that a woman could make a strong case for either scenario. <br /><br /><strong>Sign It!</strong><br />If you choose to create a prenup for your fiance to sign, make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. To protect the financial security that you have created for yourself thus far. Anything that you two do together or make during the marriage should be fair game. <br /><br />Make sure that this is not about a lack of trust issue on your end - especially if this is your first marriage. Perhaps you've heard some "horror stories" and you are a little frightened of becoming destitute if things end badly. Remember though that you should be marrying someone who you trust, who supports you, who adores you, and who is already self-sufficient financially.<br /><br />Women who should consider a prenup are those who have already been through a bad divorce, have young children, or have a fiance that would be more comfortable signing one.<br /><br />*Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are an example of a couple who should have had a prenup in place. Most of Britney's wealth was acquired before they met, and her husband didn't appear to be fiancially solvent prior to their union.<br /><br /><strong>Don't Sign It!</strong><br />Asking a man to sign a preup can be offensive and can really mess with a man's ego. So first, you need to ask yourself if you have this type of man. If you know that he is already sensitive about the fact that your salaries are not equal (or that he isn't making more), you should probably expect some resistance to the idea of a prenup. Or worse, you have someone who is offended but doesn't say anything and harbors resentment for the next year or even longer! <br /><br />In this case, if you choose not to create a prenup for your upcoming union, just make sure that you are marrying a man that you trust will do the "right" thing even if things end up badly. For instance, if you divorce and you have primary custody of the children - will he demand to be bought out which in some cases leads to having sell the house. Or can you both come to an agreement on how he will move and you stay in the family home with the children. Think about the moral character of the man you are marrying - and most of all - trust your gut.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "pub-1764266818063482";
google_ad_width = 728;
google_ad_height = 90;
google_ad_format = "728x90_as";
google_ad_type = "text";
google_ad_channel ="";
google_color_border = "660099";
google_color_bg = "FFCCFF";
google_color_link = "000000";
google_color_url = "00008B";
google_color_text = "330066";
//--></script>
<script type="text/javascript"
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
</script></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8282409.post-4143130985943445322007-12-03T21:40:00.000-05:002007-12-03T21:45:47.808-05:00Setting Your New Year’s Intentions for Experiencing Great Intimacy<span style="font-style:italic;"><blockquote>"Hi everyone. This is a guest article from a wonderful author and fellow relationship expert. Please enjoy..."</blockquote><br /></span><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Setting Your New Year’s Intentions for Experiencing Great Intimacy</span><br />By Karinna Kittles-Karsten<br /><br />Are you ready to experience a great love life this year?<br /> <br />Great intimacy consists of a physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual connection shared between two people who both desire and are willing and capable of being great lovers to each other. If you are ready to have such a relationship, then this is a perfect time to set your intentions for having a great love life this year.<br /> <br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">If You Are Single:</span><br /> <br />It is important to know what you want physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually in a partner so that you can easily identify the right one for you. Set your intentions to attract your right partner based on your findings.<br /> <br />For instance, your intention may be to have a passionate and meaningful sexual relationship, an easy, emotionally communicative relationship, and/or a strong spiritual relationship sharing your own beliefs, rituals, and practices together. <br /> <br />Also include your personal intentions for growing as the right partner for someone else this year. Your personal intentions can include: more humor, a greater ability to be honest and honor your needs, to feel more confidence with your physical body, and/or to have more fun with your sexual expression.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"> <br />If You Are in a Relationship:</span><br /> <br />Intentions can be made on your own, but they can be even more valuable to your relationship if they are made with your partner. Talk about what you would like to enhance in your relationship together.<br /> <br />For instance:<br />Do you want to create more quality, intimate time with your lover?<br />Would you like to have more romance or more dates with your lover?<br />Do you want to have better, more exciting and/or more frequent sexual intimacy?<br />Do you want to create a spiritual relationship with your lover?<br />What else would you add to these intentions?<br />What areas of deeper intimacy in you needs to be developed to make your intentions for your relationship happen?<br /> <br />Make your intentions and then make them a reality with your lover this year!<br /> <br />************************************* <br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">About The Author:</span> Karinna Kittles-Karsten is an internationally recognized relationship expert and author of the new best-selling book "Intimate Wisdom, The Sacred Art of Love." Her appearances on TV, radio, and in print has helped millions develop better intimacy and create more satisfying relationships. For more information go to SacredLove.com at: <a href="http://www.sacredlove.com">http://www.sacredlove.com/</a><div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "pub-1764266818063482";
google_ad_width = 728;
google_ad_height = 90;
google_ad_format = "728x90_as";
google_ad_type = "text";
google_ad_channel ="";
google_color_border = "660099";
google_color_bg = "FFCCFF";
google_color_link = "000000";
google_color_url = "00008B";
google_color_text = "330066";
//--></script>
<script type="text/javascript"
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
</script></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8282409.post-80231430661508332782007-11-24T23:14:00.000-05:002008-12-08T20:10:11.212-05:00Why Halle Berry Is Not Getting Married<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoBUrTmSftoagNtdxCJ1irHWjlT3kNk5rA-Ygqhy9ort5bchmCWYAKa8SeU_jFvHw7MT9d0dg2hVeFgEv-rp7HUrIGOuyFrTyFWSKTQU72Wv5739ETgZK7_-dWq9Nde8U2OJzA/s1600-h/halleaubrey.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoBUrTmSftoagNtdxCJ1irHWjlT3kNk5rA-Ygqhy9ort5bchmCWYAKa8SeU_jFvHw7MT9d0dg2hVeFgEv-rp7HUrIGOuyFrTyFWSKTQU72Wv5739ETgZK7_-dWq9Nde8U2OJzA/s320/halleaubrey.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5135408306059895874" /></a><br />Couples like Halle Berry and her partner (model Gabriel Aubrey) are among the many couples who are deciding to "set up shop" but not necessarily tie the knot!<br /><br />Many couples are choosing to be in monogamous relationships, live together, and have children - but not get married because of various reasons - but the biggest reason is one which may have developed completely in their heads.<br /><br />Ask many of these couples, and a fair share of them have had plenty of heartache and disappointments with partners. Halle Berry has had two failed marriages as well as several other high-profile relationships that ended badly. Publicly announcing (on the Oprah™ Show) that she will never marry again, is a way to create an emotional wall of defense for herself. <br /><br />The real point here is that marriage means many things to different people, and it is true that when couples marry, that they have certain "expectations" of what it means to be married. Clearly, her previous husbands did not meet her expectations nor did she meet theirs. And that happens...<br /><br />But what she has also decided, is that perhaps something "happens" when she takes a relationship to the marriage level and has decided to avoid it entirely. <br /><br />What you can learn from this though - is that nothing in particular happens to any one couple BECAUSE they got married. <span style="font-weight:bold;">It's people's beliefs and expectations of marriage, and the ability OR inability to meet those expectations, that shape the future outcome of the relationship.</span><br /><br />If you are considering whether marriage is right for you...you have to ask yourself: 1. What do I expect from marriage? <br />2. What kind of wife would I be? <br />3. What kind of husband would I be? <br />4. What do I expect from my partner? <br />5. What have I learned about marriage from my own parents? <br />6. What did I see growing up? <br />7. What did I dream would be different?<br />8. Ultimately, what kind of partnership do I want to create?<br /><br />Knowing yourself FIRST, and who your partner is second - is key to entering a commitment as serious as marriage. Expecting your marriage to resemble any other marriage that you've seen or witnessed in your family or in books or television - is fatal. Or hoping that your marriage will miraculously be a "trouble-free" one is niave. <br /><br />What's my point here? It troubles me when I hear high-profile personalities claim that not getting married is the key to their successful unions (Halle Berry, Oprah Winfrey, Susan Sarandon, Goldie Hawn). It gives the impression that the issue is the institution of marriage - when really it is the belief system of the two people that entered in that marriage.<br /><br />Marriage is great folks...if you believe that it will be and if you are willing to put the work in to keep it that way.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "pub-1764266818063482";
google_ad_width = 728;
google_ad_height = 90;
google_ad_format = "728x90_as";
google_ad_type = "text";
google_ad_channel ="";
google_color_border = "660099";
google_color_bg = "FFCCFF";
google_color_link = "000000";
google_color_url = "00008B";
google_color_text = "330066";
//--></script>
<script type="text/javascript"
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
</script></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8282409.post-21117696657838859612007-07-14T05:00:00.000-04:002008-12-08T20:10:11.401-05:00Does Your Mate Act Like A Baby When Sick?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQKR0yoynUOeMKYhl7r_ClzkVwho37VBSd9tFao_W3bXpIpbRvR1FF3H03rs1tJMXTPsnq8a2WtEfsbp67Nmrjzkr_UVxsoHIWg7nirhTZb3dJ_E_zEzYf2_DvYSisL_pIqH3-/s1600-h/sick.jpeg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQKR0yoynUOeMKYhl7r_ClzkVwho37VBSd9tFao_W3bXpIpbRvR1FF3H03rs1tJMXTPsnq8a2WtEfsbp67Nmrjzkr_UVxsoHIWg7nirhTZb3dJ_E_zEzYf2_DvYSisL_pIqH3-/s200/sick.jpeg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5086976489658620034" /></a><br />I know this is just dead a#@! wrong, but my husband acts like a BIG baby when he is sick...and it drives me crazy:)<br /><br />Well it could be that he acts like a baby or that women (for the most part:) just get up, dust themselves off, and keep it movin' when we are sick. Even when we are really sick. Because you know what? Stuff will not get done if we don't do it!<br /><br />Whatever your role is in the home...people depend on you to do it. Your husband. Your children. Your pets. Your parents. Your in-laws. The babysitter. The gardener. Whoever. <br /><br />And let's not even talk about calling out sick from work - forget about it!<br /><br />So while I know we LOVE our partners and really wish that they didnt' feel so under the weather - when they do - let's take a little pity on ourselves too. Listening to all that complaining, fetching all that soup and orange juice, when we know that when the shoe is on the other foot -- we MAY get mediocre service at best! OR we get pretty good service with an attitude:)<br /><br />Well ladies -- that's part of survivin' these relationships that we soooo love! In the meantime, slip him some <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Echinacea">echinacea</a> every morning:)<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "pub-1764266818063482";
google_ad_width = 728;
google_ad_height = 90;
google_ad_format = "728x90_as";
google_ad_type = "text";
google_ad_channel ="";
google_color_border = "660099";
google_color_bg = "FFCCFF";
google_color_link = "000000";
google_color_url = "00008B";
google_color_text = "330066";
//--></script>
<script type="text/javascript"
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
</script></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8282409.post-42762497451072141402007-06-27T19:56:00.000-04:002007-06-27T20:03:25.990-04:00Would You Date Someone 20 Years Older or Younger?There are several famous couples who have done it with great success. And thousands more in the "real world" who have done it as well...<br /><br />What is it? <br /><br />Dating someone 20 years older or younger.<br /><br />Does it work? What are the obstacles? Is it really a big deal or no deal at all?<br /><br />We talked about this topic in the most recent issue of my relationship newsletter - The <a href="http://www.girlshrink.com/better_choices.html">Better Choices Ezine</a>. Have you subscribed yet? (Go to the pink box to the right:)<br /><br />What are your thoughts on these types of relationships? Do you have any personal experience of success or failure?<br /><br /><br />Let's get real...<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "pub-1764266818063482";
google_ad_width = 728;
google_ad_height = 90;
google_ad_format = "728x90_as";
google_ad_type = "text";
google_ad_channel ="";
google_color_border = "660099";
google_color_bg = "FFCCFF";
google_color_link = "000000";
google_color_url = "00008B";
google_color_text = "330066";
//--></script>
<script type="text/javascript"
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
</script></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8282409.post-84185080195582446912007-01-08T23:30:00.000-05:002007-01-08T23:41:07.497-05:00Should You Avoid Conflict In Your Relationships?My thoughts on this have long been brewing because I am a naturally combative person. Only verbally of course. But I do love a good debate. So I wonder sometimes if my thinking is a little skewed -- a little biased towards the confrontation. So I thought about it some more and I realized that I love the debate because as a child I was very non-confrontational. <br /><br />I wanted all my friends to like me and I didn't want any trouble. Now while that is true for most kids -- it doesn't matter when you're living it. I knew even then...that I wasn't in my full power. I didn't like living in this non-confrontational bubble. I felt there were things I wanted to say that were never heard. I didn't have a voice.<br /><br />So as I grew older and learned to speak up -- I realized that while it didn't solve every problem -- it did do something even more powerful. People heard me. People listened. People remembered me. And soon...people began to respect me for that. Your opinion...your thoughts... is all you have at the end of the day.<br /><br />So to hold them back. To stifle them. To keep them locked up at the very bottom of your throat -- is not good. And probably can lead to all sorts of health problems if you ask me!<br /><br />While I don't want to go out here and ruin anyone's marriage -- I also know that you need to think about the quality of that union if you are incapable of listening to the truth or at least someone's truth. If your relationship - your life is really "all that", you should be able to hear it all and then react like a normal human being -- not a stepford wife!<br /><br />Live in truth...as much as you can...that's all I'm saying:)<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "pub-1764266818063482";
google_ad_width = 728;
google_ad_height = 90;
google_ad_format = "728x90_as";
google_ad_type = "text";
google_ad_channel ="";
google_color_border = "660099";
google_color_bg = "FFCCFF";
google_color_link = "000000";
google_color_url = "00008B";
google_color_text = "330066";
//--></script>
<script type="text/javascript"
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
</script></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8282409.post-1156660052921038412006-08-27T00:53:00.000-04:002006-08-27T02:27:32.956-04:00Respect Your RelationshipI love pop culture like the next person - hey I was a teenager in the 80's! So while it shouldn't have, it did surprise me as the marriages associated the the popular music channel MTV have all gone down the drain in a matter of a year or two.<br /><br /><B>1. Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson</b><br />Probably very much in love at one time, but too exposed by the MTV show. Perhaps they had a support system that enjoyed the fame a bit more then even they did (Dad, Mom, Sister), adding to the demise of the marriage.<br /><br /><B>2. Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro</b><br />They don't have the "young and dumb" thing to fall back on, they were a bit more established then the other two couples. Again - too muchexposure in what was already two very over-exposed lives. Actress & Rocker.<br /><br /><b>3. Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler </b><br />These two weren't as well known...but sounds like the may have had some problems prior to MTV and then after MTV. Perhaps a very different view of what their marriage was going to be like. It seems the husband may have been along for the MTV ride, while the wife wanted to definitely capitalize on the publicity and notoriety. Plus they moved a bit fast...marriage, kids, reality show...DIVORCE!<br /><br />Bottom line? <b>Respect your relationship </b>when you fall in love and decide to commit. Especially when you are first starting out. It's easy to think that when you first fall in love that everything will be alright - that nothing could possibly interfere in that relationship...but it can and it will. Relationships are tested everyday...and these poor three couples failed their tests miserably. <br /><br />Don's set yourself up for failure...respect that your relationship is sacred, fragile, but beautiful.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "pub-1764266818063482";
google_ad_width = 728;
google_ad_height = 90;
google_ad_format = "728x90_as";
google_ad_type = "text";
google_ad_channel ="";
google_color_border = "660099";
google_color_bg = "FFCCFF";
google_color_link = "000000";
google_color_url = "00008B";
google_color_text = "330066";
//--></script>
<script type="text/javascript"
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
</script></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8282409.post-1141522922864264302006-03-04T20:29:00.000-05:002006-03-04T20:42:02.886-05:00Eharmony Failure -- When You Don't Meet Your Perfect Match<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/398/554/1600/images.0.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/398/554/320/images.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />As an online advice expert, I am always getting questions from men and women (mostly women) about which is the safest and most reputable online dating service. Online dating still continues to have a stigma of "desperation" to some -- of which I don't agree. Hey, look at <B>Dr. Phil and Match.com</b>! <br /><br />I have always recommended <B>Eharmony</b>, because I like the fact that personality types are taken into consideration and that you have to pay - which usually means a bit of a stronger commitment to the process. Right?<br /><br />Well, unfortunately online dating, or any dating for that matter:), is not a perfect science. And sometimes with all the assessments in the world - you still may meet Mr. Wrong. You still may meet a grown man with 16 year old intentions. Just playing around.<br /><br />This happened to a couple of clients of mine. Not just with <B>Eharmony</b> -- but those particular clients were a bit more surprised by the outcome of their matches then the other users. Because of course these people paid to meet their soulmate - so why wouldn't they take it seriously? Maybe they do. Maybe you two aren't as perfect as you think - right?<br /><br />So while I highly recommend this site, just remember that it is not a sure thing. Use your judgement and your instincts, and don't be discouraged. Keep trying. Because you know what I believe -- that there is a lid for every pot!<br /><br />*If you want to talk about an online dating experience gone wrong. <a href="http://www.girlshrink.com/advice.html">Send me a letter.</a> If you just want to share it on the blog - add your comment for others to read.<br /><br />-GirlShrink<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "pub-1764266818063482";
google_ad_width = 728;
google_ad_height = 90;
google_ad_format = "728x90_as";
google_ad_type = "text";
google_ad_channel ="";
google_color_border = "660099";
google_color_bg = "FFCCFF";
google_color_link = "000000";
google_color_url = "00008B";
google_color_text = "330066";
//--></script>
<script type="text/javascript"
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
</script></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8282409.post-1138640746062402912006-01-30T11:35:00.000-05:002006-01-30T12:05:46.116-05:00Does Your Partner Like Pets?<a href="http://www.girlshrink.citymax.com/t//pepperz.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px;" src="http://www.girlshrink.citymax.com/t//pepperz.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br /><br />I like for my nine year old dog - Pepperz - to sleep at the foot of the bed. It makes me feel safe and I think she feels comfortable:) What's interesting is that about eight years ago - my husband was dead set against it. He didn't want a dog in the bedroom, much less our bed.<br /><br />He would wake up everyday saying "Oh the hair is in my throat! The hair is in my throat!" I would just look at him like he was a drama queen and roll over.<br /><br />Now of course my hubby has grown to love Pepperz almost as much as I do. She gives her belly rubs, asks once in a while if I have fed her yet, and will play a little ball with her outside. And of course she sleeps at the foot of the bed every night.<br /><br />But now that I look back on it - was it selfish of me to just roll over and dismiss his feelings? Yes. Because it could of really gone either way. He could of really grown to resent Pepperz, and treated both she and I horribly because of it.<br /><br />What would I have done if he had asked me to give away our dog? I don't think I would have. We would have had a knock down, drag out fight about it.<br /><br />Another couple I know of adopted a rottweiler. Now that's a big dog that needs a lot of care and they also had two small children. The wife was completely against it because she didn't really like dogs and she knew that it would be up to her to do most of the care of the pet because her husband worked overtime and worked far from home.<br /><br />Hubby didn't agree and got that dog anyway. What he didn't realize was that while he grew up with dogs all his life - his mother took care of those dogs. Including loving them. He just didn't have the time. So the dog grew to be a big point of conflict in their relationship. She was like "I told you so" and he didn't want to admit defeat. Eventually - they had to give away the dog to the pound. Very sad for everyone because the wife feels a bit guilty, the husband is sad, and the dog has a good chance of being put to sleep.<br /><br />Remember that a pet is a big commitment. Especially within the confines of a relationship. If you get one...<br /><br /><b>1. See how your partner feels about it. <p><br />2. Ask whether or not he grew up with pets. <p><br />3. Know that you will be 100% responsible for the care of the pet and probably for loving it as well.<p><br />4. Be willing to compromise on the "rules" for the pet.<p><br />5. Don't get the pet until you have really talked it through. Its unfair to the pet.</b><p><br /><br />*************************************************<br />Are you depressed? In a bad relationship? Been cheated on? <br />The Relationship <font color="red">911</font> Seven Step Program is the solution. <br />Learn more about how to <a href="http://www.girlshrink.com/911intro.html"> SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP</a> at GirlShrink.com<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "pub-1764266818063482";
google_ad_width = 728;
google_ad_height = 90;
google_ad_format = "728x90_as";
google_ad_type = "text";
google_ad_channel ="";
google_color_border = "660099";
google_color_bg = "FFCCFF";
google_color_link = "000000";
google_color_url = "00008B";
google_color_text = "330066";
//--></script>
<script type="text/javascript"
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
</script></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8282409.post-1136532429500173572006-01-06T02:10:00.000-05:002006-01-06T02:27:09.510-05:00Does Online Therapy Work - You Betcha!<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/398/554/1600/nw_leftnavcov_060101_DOM.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/398/554/320/nw_leftnavcov_060101_DOM.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />In a recent article written in <b>Newsweek Magazine</b>, writer Temma Ehrenfeld explored an area already very familiar to us - <b>Virtual Therapy.</b> The article discussed how many people are turning to online therapy because of its triple whammy benefits:<br /><br /><b>1. Convenience<br />2. Affordability<br />3. Anonymity (our favorite!)</b><br /><br />I mean if you think about it - doesn't it seem silly to pay all that money to a woman in an office downtown somewhere who wants to really spend a few months getting to know you before she makes an assessment? I'm clinically trained, and I even think its ridiculous. There are just some things that you can talk about online.<br /><br />Your Feelings<br />Your Relationship<br />Your Depression<br />Your Fears<br />Your Children<br />Your Job<br />Your Family<br /><br />And the list goes on and on. Now, I draw the line to diagnosis. I don't think anyone can or should be diagnosed online. That is what a visit to your practitioner is for. But if you need direction, a listening ear, a reasonable solution to a problem - online advice, counseling, therapy, coaching etc. is the right choice for you.<br /><br />To learn more about it go here:<a href="http://www.girlshrink.com/advice.html"> Advice/Counseling Info</a><br /><br />-GirlShrink<br /><br />*******************************************<br /><br />Are you depressed? In a bad relationship? Been cheated on? <br />There are experts waiting to help you <a href="http://www.girlshrink.com/advice.html"> RIGHT NOW</a> at GirlShrink.com<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "pub-1764266818063482";
google_ad_width = 728;
google_ad_height = 90;
google_ad_format = "728x90_as";
google_ad_type = "text";
google_ad_channel ="";
google_color_border = "660099";
google_color_bg = "FFCCFF";
google_color_link = "000000";
google_color_url = "00008B";
google_color_text = "330066";
//--></script>
<script type="text/javascript"
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
</script></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8282409.post-1135976613499523302005-12-30T15:50:00.000-05:002005-12-30T16:03:33.546-05:00The Pressure of New Years EveLet's face it - some of us put an incredible amount of pressure on our partners and ourselves when it comes to New Years Eve. Whether or not we like to admit it - we tend to be superstitious about this type of thing. If we aren't together we... <br /><br /><b>1. Feel very lonely<br />2. Feel like no one loves us<br />3. Feel like losers:)<br />4. Feel like this will set the tone for the rest of the year<br />5. Feel like we need to make some serious changes</b><br /><br />Its incredible pressure. And its even worse for couples that are together. If you don't choose "something" to do you feel like this may be reflective of your entire relationship - boring. Ideas for couples?<br /><br /><b>1. Go to church<br />2. Go to a friend's house for dinner<br />3. Take control and throw your own small party<br />4. Have a romantic dinner and champagne toast with each other<br />5. Play board games with your kids<br />6. Do something you did the first year you met</b><br /><br /><br />Try not to...<br /><br /><b>1. Go to sleep before 12<br />2. Watch the ball drop on T.V.<br />3. Argue with each other about what you're not doing<br />4. Get completely drunk and sloppy</b><br /><br />I know you don't believe me everyone but New Year's Eve is just another calendar day folks. Relax and enjoy the time with your partner or your family or even yourself. Happy New Year's!<br /><br />-GirlShrink<br /><br />Are you depressed? In a bad relationship? Been cheated on? There are experts waiting to help you <a href="http://www.girlshrink.com/advice.html"> RIGHT NOW</a> at GirlShrink.com<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "pub-1764266818063482";
google_ad_width = 728;
google_ad_height = 90;
google_ad_format = "728x90_as";
google_ad_type = "text";
google_ad_channel ="";
google_color_border = "660099";
google_color_bg = "FFCCFF";
google_color_link = "000000";
google_color_url = "00008B";
google_color_text = "330066";
//--></script>
<script type="text/javascript"
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
</script></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8282409.post-1133327143601689472005-11-29T23:44:00.000-05:002005-11-30T00:06:04.546-05:00Surviving The Holidays When Your Relationship Is OverIf your relationship is on the skids or is completely kaput - you are probably feeling extra vulnerable during the <font color="red">holiday season.</font><br /><br />This time of year can be rough on a newly single person. Especially, because we have all these expectations of what our holidays should be like. Spending time with your sweetie. Shopping. Sharing holiday traditions. Meeting the family. Etc.<br /><br />And no one wants to be alone during holidays that remind you of family. <br /><br />So while there is nothing you can do about it right away - after all the holidays are quickly creeping up on us, here are some strategies you can practice to try and manage the loneliness. <br /><br />1. <b>Do not isolate yourself. </b>Self-imposed isolation is not only bordering on being a martyr - but it's not productive. Breaking up is hard enough, but during the holidays only amplifies things. Go out. Be around people. Your family. People you work with. Be kind to strangers:) Whatever! Just get out.<br /><br />2. <b>Try not to project your own feelings on your family members.</b> Ex. Don't believe that they are all sitting around talking about your break-up or wondering when you are ever going to bring someone around on the holidays. You might just be paranoid. Even family has other things to talk about other than you:)<br /><br />3. <b>Stay true to your traditions.</b> Don't stop your normal holiday routine just because one small part of the equation has been temporarily or permanently eliminated. That's what's great about life. It can be adjusted and manipulated to satisfy your new circumstances. Go buy the tree. Celebrate Chanukah. Or make your Kwanzaa gifts as usual.<br /><br />Finally, allow yourself to feel something about what is happening. Anger. Sadness. Regret. Whatever the emotions are. Allow yourself to work through them - just don't do it for 3 weeks, stuck in your bedroom:) Keep yourself into the flow of your life - but balance your need to be a little sad about it. It's okay:)<br /><br />************************************************<br />Are you depressed? In a bad relationship? Been cheated on? There are experts waiting to help you <a href="http://www.girlshrink.com/advice.html"> RIGHT NOW</a> at GirlShrink.com<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "pub-1764266818063482";
google_ad_width = 728;
google_ad_height = 90;
google_ad_format = "728x90_as";
google_ad_type = "text";
google_ad_channel ="";
google_color_border = "660099";
google_color_bg = "FFCCFF";
google_color_link = "000000";
google_color_url = "00008B";
google_color_text = "330066";
//--></script>
<script type="text/javascript"
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
</script></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8282409.post-1130558845757276022005-10-28T23:48:00.000-04:002005-10-29T00:07:25.793-04:00When You Choose To Be Alone Out Of FearThere are some women out here who simply rather not deal with the trials and tribulations of getting to know a new man. It's just too difficult. And it leaves you quite vulnerable to the risks of heartbreak.<br /><br />But there really is truth in all the cliches about living a life in fear. It is no life at all. Because most people are wishing that they could take the risks and make the decisions that people do everyday - people who are living life and taking chances.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/398/554/1600/millionpieces.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/398/554/320/millionpieces.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>The author of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/redirect?link_code=ur2&camp=1789&tag=girlshrinkcom-20&amp;creative=9325&path=http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0307276902?v=glance%26n=283155%26n=507846%26s=books%26v=glance">A Million Little Pieces</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=girlshrinkcom-20&amp;amp;amp;l=ur2&o=1" alt="" style="border: medium none ! important; margin: 0px ! important;" border="0" height="1" width="1" />, James Frey, mentioned on Oprah how he rather deal with physical pain then deal with the pain of heartbreak. That was a powerful statement - but the reality of his life is that he has learned how to face all of his fears, both physical and emotional. And it was the key to saving his life.<br /><br />And it's the key to living your life as well. Take 15 minutes today and write a list of your 5 biggest fears. Ones that stop you from evolving in any part of your life. They could be a fear of spiders or they could be a fear of sounding silly to someone - so you say nothing at all.<br /><br /><ul> <li>Whatever they are - write them down.</li> <li>Pick one.</li> <li>Make a decision to face that fear.</li> <li>Give yourself a goal of when to face it.</li> <li>Begin trying a little each day.</li> </ul><br />You can begin by looking at pictures of spiders in a National Geographic Magazine:) Or you can begin by talking to the neighbor who you never say more than hello to.<br /><br />Don't let fear stop you from meeting someone special. You could really be missing out.<br /><br />-GirlShrink<br /><br />Are you depressed? In a bad relationship? Been cheated on?<br />There are experts waiting to help you at <a href="http://www.girlshrink.com/advice.html">GirlShrink.com</a><br />Private email & chat sessions are quick, affordable, and they work!<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "pub-1764266818063482";
google_ad_width = 728;
google_ad_height = 90;
google_ad_format = "728x90_as";
google_ad_type = "text";
google_ad_channel ="";
google_color_border = "660099";
google_color_bg = "FFCCFF";
google_color_link = "000000";
google_color_url = "00008B";
google_color_text = "330066";
//--></script>
<script type="text/javascript"
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
</script></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8282409.post-1128820256411047882005-10-08T20:56:00.000-04:002005-10-08T21:10:56.416-04:00I want to be married...I want to be single!Isn't it funny? I talked to an old friend of mine today who was recently married. She's been having a tough first year and admitted that perhaps she romanticized this whole notion of marriage. Of setting time tables for herself.<br /><br /><b>- Married by 30.<br />- Kid by 33<br />- Second kid by 35 etc.</b><br /><br />That's not to say that she isn't madly in love with her husband - she is. But marriage is certainly not the utopia that she thought it would be. Marriage is hard work. Loving each other is easy. Liking each other is not:)<br /><br />I know - I know - the <font color="green">grass is always greener</font> on the other side.<br /><br />But you ladies on a mission to marry...listen to your married sisters. Marriage is not going to save you from your boring life. Challenging life. Tough life. Don't look to it to be the thing to make everything okay. <br /><br />And you ladies who are married...stop dreaming about those glory years during and after age 21! Marriage should not mark the end of your glory days. Just of your irresponsible drunken nights:) <br /><br />Would you want to be back in those other shoes again? Waiting for Mr. Right? Waiting for the ring. Planning the wedding that everyone wanted a say in? Aren't you glad you're past all that? Before you start envying the old days. Look at your marriage. Look at your family.<b> Isn't it worth it?</b><br /><br />-GirlShrink<br /><br />Are you depressed? In a bad relationship? Been cheated on? There are experts waiting to help you <a href="http://www.girlshrink.com/advice.html"> RIGHT NOW</a> at GirlShrink.com<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "pub-1764266818063482";
google_ad_width = 728;
google_ad_height = 90;
google_ad_format = "728x90_as";
google_ad_type = "text";
google_ad_channel ="";
google_color_border = "660099";
google_color_bg = "FFCCFF";
google_color_link = "000000";
google_color_url = "00008B";
google_color_text = "330066";
//--></script>
<script type="text/javascript"
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
</script></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8282409.post-1128663553481586182005-10-07T01:34:00.000-04:002005-10-07T01:39:13.490-04:00Kiss Your Lover GoodbyeDo you kiss your lover, your partner, or your spouse goodbye everyday? <br /><br />Do I have to say why?<br /><br />You just never know what the future holds. Hurricanes. Terrorism. <br /><br />The world is an uncertain place.<br /><br />Kiss your man goodbye everyday and be sure of one thing, <br /><br />that no matter what the rest of the day holds, <br /><br />his last interaction with you was one left on a <B>positive and loving note.</b><br /><br />_______________________________<br /><br />Are you depressed? In a bad relationship? Been cheated on? There are experts waiting to help you <a href="http://www.girlshrink.com/advice.html"> RIGHT NOW</a> at GirlShrink.com<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "pub-1764266818063482";
google_ad_width = 728;
google_ad_height = 90;
google_ad_format = "728x90_as";
google_ad_type = "text";
google_ad_channel ="";
google_color_border = "660099";
google_color_bg = "FFCCFF";
google_color_link = "000000";
google_color_url = "00008B";
google_color_text = "330066";
//--></script>
<script type="text/javascript"
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
</script></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8282409.post-1126673562923851192005-09-13T22:34:00.000-04:002005-09-14T00:52:42.970-04:00When Your Parents Don't Like Your BoyfriendWhy is it that we can never let go of the idea that we need our parent's validation? Well, because they are our parents - duh. I don't care what anyone says -- we all want our parent's approval. We want them to proud of us. Talk about us to their friends (in a good way:). And we want them to like our boyfriends...<br /><br /><B>So what do you do when your parents don't like your boyfriend?</b> Well, there's a couple of things to consider.<br /><br />1. Is it just your parents or your friends too?<i> If everyone doesn't like him -- then there's a problem.</i><br /><br />2. Is he your boy toy or would you like to marry him and carry his children?<i> If you're just playing, then who cares?</i><br /><br />3. Is he rude to your parents? <i>Dump him.</i><br /><br />4. Is he shy around your parents? <i>He has potential - give it time.</i><br /><br />5. Is it causing problems between you and your parents? Arguments? <i>Well, if he's not hurting you then they are much too involved. It shouldn't be that serious. He's just a boyfriend.</i><br /><br /><hr>Are you depressed? In a bad relationship? Been cheated on? There are experts waiting to help you <a href="http://www.girlshrink.com/advice.html"> RIGHT NOW</a> at GirlShrink.com<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "pub-1764266818063482";
google_ad_width = 728;
google_ad_height = 90;
google_ad_format = "728x90_as";
google_ad_type = "text";
google_ad_channel ="";
google_color_border = "660099";
google_color_bg = "FFCCFF";
google_color_link = "000000";
google_color_url = "00008B";
google_color_text = "330066";
//--></script>
<script type="text/javascript"
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
</script></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com113tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8282409.post-1126494412736946392005-09-11T22:51:00.000-04:002005-09-11T23:06:52.743-04:00Relationship Baggage<i>Bag lady...you're gonna miss your bus...dragging all them bags like that...<br />-Eryka Badu</i><br /><br />If there is ONE thing that is a relationship disaster waiting to happen, it is a man or woman that brings all of their old relationship baggage into the next relationship.<br /><br />Now I know that it is a natural human reaction to want to protect yourself - but to really invest in a new relationship takes, well it takes some guts. And there really is no way around it. You are not going to reap positive rewards from only investing a part of yourself into a new relationship. And...<br /><br />You are definitely going to scare away any suitable partner if all you talk about is how the last guy lied. Or how he was threatened by all your success. Or how he was too controlling. Or how he loved the color brown. Or bla bla bla!<br /><br />Alert people! The new guy doesn't care. And the new guy won't even begin to care if you talk about him or them too much longer. So what can you do? Well, a few things come to mind.<br /><br /><b>1. Relax. Try to enjoy this new person for who he is. Get to know him and trust your instincts. If you really think about it, there were some red flags that went up during your last relationship - but you just didn't listen.<br /><br />2. Don't Compare. Don't freak out if this new guy eats his soup the same way your ex did. It doesn't mean that they are twins who were seperated at birth! It just means that comparing the old with the new -- something which is a no-no when starting a new relationship.<br /><br />3. Think Before You Speak. Think very carefully about what you are going to say before you say it. Sometimes just thinking about your next comment before you make it will save you from the embarrassment of the new guy losing your phone number:)<br /><br />4. Finally, if you have been really badly scarred by a previous relationship - then you need to work those issues out with a professional before you move on. <br /></b><br />Like the song says - if you keep bringing baggage into your relationships - you are definitely going to miss your bus!<br /><br />*******************************************<br /><br />Are you depressed? In a bad relationship? Been cheated on? There are experts waiting to help you <a href="http://www.girlshrink.com/advice.html"> RIGHT NOW</a> at GirlShrink.com<div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "pub-1764266818063482";
google_ad_width = 728;
google_ad_height = 90;
google_ad_format = "728x90_as";
google_ad_type = "text";
google_ad_channel ="";
google_color_border = "660099";
google_color_bg = "FFCCFF";
google_color_link = "000000";
google_color_url = "00008B";
google_color_text = "330066";
//--></script>
<script type="text/javascript"
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
</script></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8282409.post-1125554797402751802005-09-01T01:42:00.000-04:002005-09-01T02:06:37.410-04:00Repeating Bad Patterns From Childhood In Your Relationship<font color="purple">A story by Sarah from Houston, Texas...<br /><br />"I know a very progressive woman who has several small children, a great career, and a horrible husband.<br /><br />And although I think he is a rotten person - I pass way more judgement on my friend whom I love because she grew up in an environment much like the one which they have both replicated. A violent home. One very scary for children, as well as herself.<br /><br />As intelligent as she is - she doesn't really consciously see what she is doing. She always complains about how she was raised. She hates her father. Is mad at her mother for staying. But she is doing the same thing.<br /><br />And we're not talking about someone without resources. She has other family. She is intelligent. She could move on if she wanted to.<br /><br />I know I can't say anything to stop her from repeating bad patterns - but how can I stop caring so much?"</font><br /><br />Sarah's story sounds like many I have heard over and over. In many ways, not ones as dire as this one, we replicate patterns from our parents' relationships. Ones that were good, and ones that were horribly unhealthy.<br /><br />The moral of the story is that often we don't even realize we are doing it. If you are shutting down during an argument just like your Mom or you are using other people to run away from what is wrong in your relationship just like your Dad - you need to put a stop to those bad patterns now!<br /><br />Learn from your past. Use your past to grow. Don't replicate the negative things you learned. <br /><br />1. Look at your relationship right now - is it on a healthy track?<br /><br />2. If not, what seems to be the bumps in the road? Communication? Sex? Money? Respect? Validation?<br /><br />3. How did you parents or parent handle these sorts of issues when they came up in their relationships?<br /><br />4. What could you do differently?<br /><br /><i>Sarah originally submitted her question to the <b><a href="http://www.girlshrink.com/ask_girlshrink.html">Ask GirlShrink Advice Column</a></b>. It has been edited for publication on this blog.</i><br /><br />**************************************************<br /><br /><B>Are you depressed? In a bad relationship? Been cheated on? <br />There are experts waiting to help you <a href="http://www.girlshrink.com/advice.html">RIGHT NOW</a> at www.GirlShrink.com</B><div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "pub-1764266818063482";
google_ad_width = 728;
google_ad_height = 90;
google_ad_format = "728x90_as";
google_ad_type = "text";
google_ad_channel ="";
google_color_border = "660099";
google_color_bg = "FFCCFF";
google_color_link = "000000";
google_color_url = "00008B";
google_color_text = "330066";
//--></script>
<script type="text/javascript"
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
</script></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8282409.post-1124176701392308812005-08-16T03:11:00.000-04:002005-08-16T03:33:14.476-04:00Relationship Challenge<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/398/554/1600/25220993_8ee77003ec1.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/398/554/200/25220993_8ee77003ec1.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />The GirlShrink Relationship Challenge Is Underway Folks!<br /><br />I challenge those who are currently in a relationship (how brave:) to do three things:<br /><br />1. Give your mate an overdue compliment<br />2. Initiate Sex<br />3. Tell him/her when you knew you were in love with them<br /><br />I challenge those who are currently NOT in a relationship to do three things:<br /><br />1. Talk to a stranger for 15 minutes. (Hey it's practice:)<br />2. Flirt with a stranger for 5 minutes<br />3. Make a list of all the attributes and qualities your next partner will have. Now cross one thing off the list!<br /><br />Good luck with the challenge. I must admit, it was a little difficult for me as well. I mean who wants to initiate sex with three toddlers running around singing Veggie Tales songs! But good luck anyway:)<br /><br /><hr><br />Lisa Angelettie, M.S.W., is a psychotherapist, author, and an online advice expert. She has been helping people make smarter life choices since 1998. Visit her for<a href="http://www.GirlShrink.com"> Advice & Counseling</a>, or take a free <a href="http://www.girlshrink.com/depression_screening.html">Depression Screening</a> today.<br />Subscribe to the growing self-help ezine <a href="http://www.girlshrink.com/better_choices.html">"Better Choices"</a>. <br>Contact info: <A HREF="mailto:info@girlshrink.com"> info@GirlShrink.com </A><p>© GirlShrink Inc. The author grants reprint permission to opt-in publications and websites so long as the copyright and by-line are included intact and the article is not used in spam. A courtesy copy of your publication would be appreciated.<p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "pub-1764266818063482";
google_ad_width = 728;
google_ad_height = 90;
google_ad_format = "728x90_as";
google_ad_type = "text";
google_ad_channel ="";
google_color_border = "660099";
google_color_bg = "FFCCFF";
google_color_link = "000000";
google_color_url = "00008B";
google_color_text = "330066";
//--></script>
<script type="text/javascript"
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
</script></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8282409.post-1123737375600609732005-08-11T00:44:00.000-04:002005-08-11T01:16:15.623-04:00Designating A Leader in Your RelationshipOkay...many women I know -- especially those that have been single for quite a while cringe at the very mention of someone other than themselves "leading" in a relationship. It's difficult for many women who have been taking care of themselves financially and emotionally, very well I may add, to relinquish some control to another person.<br /><br />What do I mean by control? <br /><br />Well, I am definitely not saying that the man should walk around the house with a bat like a caveman, spewing out orders and demands. Uh - no way! What I am saying is that a relationship should always strive to be a partnership. And of course that is not going to be 50/50. That's really an almost impossible goal to strive for. But if there are decisions to be made within your relationship - they should be made together with the direction of a leader.<br /><br />If you are much better with finances then your man - then both of you know that when it is time to make a fiscal decision, you both should talk about the issues together but with the general direction of yourself. Because you are more versed on financial matters. You make better decisions on finances. How do you decide that? Well, the proof is in the pudding. It should be clear based on actions who is the better money man (or woman:). And the other adult in the relationship should respect that and trust that your partner has the best interest of you both in mind.<br /><br />If you have met a man who wants to please you, keep in mind that although he will need your input on just how to do that as your relationship grows - there will come a point when he knows you. And he knows you well. And he wants to take you out and show you a real nice time out on the town. So instead of directing him on where to go, what restaurant, what parking lot is cheaper to park at, and that if he sees a flower stand he should buy you a bouquet -- allow him the respect of making some of those decisions for himself. And be gracious about it - even if he buys you carnations -- because not everyone knows that those are filler flowers:)<br /><br />Listen ladies, even if you still don't buy into what I'm saying -- I have to tell you that I have been with the same man since 1988 because I know when to "fall back" on certain things and allow him to take the lead - and then of course I know when to take the lead. It's a leading partnership - not a dictatorship. It may look on the outside that there is one leader, but you and he will know what it really is - and that it really works - and allows you to both be in the same room year after year without wanting to kill each other.<br /><br />There is an art to it. And it does take time. But isn't that the great thing about relationships? Surviving the growing process?<br /><br />Much Success!<br /><br />-GirlShrink<br /><br /><hr><br />Lisa Angelettie, M.S.W., is a psychotherapist, author, and an online advice expert. She has been helping people make smarter life choices since 1998. Visit her for<a href="http://www.GirlShrink.com"> Advice & Counseling</a>, or take a free <a href="http://www.girlshrink.com/depression_screening.html">Depression Screening</a> today.<br />Subscribe to the growing self-help ezine <a href="http://www.girlshrink.com/better_choices.html">"Better Choices"</a>. Contact info: <A HREF="mailto:info@girlshrink.com"> info@GirlShrink.com </A><p>© GirlShrink Inc. The author grants reprint permission to opt-in publications and websites so long as the copyright and by-line are included intact and the article is not used in spam. A courtesy copy of your publication would be appreciated.<p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "pub-1764266818063482";
google_ad_width = 728;
google_ad_height = 90;
google_ad_format = "728x90_as";
google_ad_type = "text";
google_ad_channel ="";
google_color_border = "660099";
google_color_bg = "FFCCFF";
google_color_link = "000000";
google_color_url = "00008B";
google_color_text = "330066";
//--></script>
<script type="text/javascript"
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
</script></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8282409.post-1122450221859722172005-07-27T03:03:00.000-04:002005-07-27T03:43:41.866-04:00Craving Negative Attention<h2>There are many people in relationships or seeking relationships who are attention starved. Is this you?</h2><br /><br />Unfortunately, people (and especially women:) who are attention starved tend to make poor choices when choosing their new partners.<br /><br />The 30 phone calls he makes to your cell phone within an hour's time, would usually send up a <font color="red">red flag</font> that he's a little loco right? Not all the time. Sometimes this type of <b>negative attention</b> can be misconstrued as "passion" or as a "deep connection". <br /><br />But sorry folks - that is just plain ole' silly. Grown folks should not be what doing what basically comes down to harassment in order to get your attention. And you definitely shouldn't validate that type of behavior. <br /><br />Other <b>negative attention </b>favorites include:<br /><br />1. Repetitive Calls<br />2. Repetitive Visits<br />3. Starting Arguements<br />4. Faking an illness<br />5. Threatening Suicide<br />6. Threatening Leaving You<br />7. Embarassing you in public<br />8. Being over emotional<br />9. Being really needy<br />10. Verbally abusing you <br /><br />And there are many more we could add to this list. So what's the big deal about <b>negative attention</b> givers -- well there always comes a point where the attention and the types and degree of negative behaviors start to increase, and then this icky cycle begins. <br /><br />The things that he does drives you crazy, makes you sick or sad, but the fact that he is doing them to you makes you feel wanted. Desired. Thought about. It's a nasty little <b>negative relationship cycle</b> that always leads to a counselor's office or worse.<br /><br />So Save your money. Skip therapy and get out of a negative attention relationship - TODAY! Of course once this cycle begins - it isn't easy. Sometimes you need a little direction. If this sounds like you, then you may benefit from some brief <a href="http://www.girlshrink.com/advice.html"> online advice right now.</a> Try to look at your relationship through an outsider's eyes. Are you putting up with anything because you are just happy to be getting anything? <a href="http://www.girlshrink.com/advice.html">Get Help Now.</a><br /><br /><hr><br />Lisa Angelettie, M.S.W., is a psychotherapist, author, and an online advice expert. She has been helping people make smarter life choices since 1998. Visit her for<a href="http://www.GirlShrink.com"> Advice & Counseling</a>, or take a free <a href="http://www.girlshrink.com/depression_screening.html">Depression Screening</a> today.<br />Subscribe to the growing self-help ezine <a href="http://www.girlshrink.com/better_choices.html">"Better Choices"</a>. <br>Contact info: <A HREF="mailto:info@girlshrink.com"> info@GirlShrink.com </A><p>© GirlShrink Inc. The author grants reprint permission to opt-in publications and websites so long as the copyright and by-line are included intact and the article is not used in spam.<p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "pub-1764266818063482";
google_ad_width = 728;
google_ad_height = 90;
google_ad_format = "728x90_as";
google_ad_type = "text";
google_ad_channel ="";
google_color_border = "660099";
google_color_bg = "FFCCFF";
google_color_link = "000000";
google_color_url = "00008B";
google_color_text = "330066";
//--></script>
<script type="text/javascript"
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
</script></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8282409.post-1121494075247344842005-07-16T01:24:00.000-04:002005-07-16T02:07:55.256-04:00Low Self Esteem - A Relationship KillerLow self-esteem is a very deadly killer to relationships. Sometimes it is even a silent killer, because low self-esteem can manifest itself in many ways. <br /><br />An obvious way may be "Oh, I look horrible. I know you're going to cheat on me." A way that's not so obvious may be "I want you to call me no matter what at 10 every night because I worry." That person may be worried, but worried that you are out cheating on them. <br /><br />Listen, no grown person should have to hold themselves accountable at the same time to their lover everyday. That's called curfew. And that's for children and teens. Not adults in a relationship. Therefore the person trying to have this type of "control" in the relationship is really suffering from a bad case of insecurity a.k.a. <b>low self-esteem.</b> They need to control the situation because they need to control you, and they need to control you because they don't trust that you love them enough to control yourself.<br /><br />Do you hear it now? The silent killer of relationships?<b> LOW SELF ESTEEM </b><br /><br />At some point ladies and gentlemen, you have to believe in something. You have to believe that you are in a relationship with someone who cares about you and respects you enough to not hurt you. And if you do happen to get hurt... you have to believe that it is not the end of the world. That bad things happen and then life goes on. It really does. Don't be so afraid of the possibility of getting hurt that you either choose badly or don't choose anyone at all.<br /><br /><b>Low Self Esteem</b> can be quite toxic in a relationship. You can be with someone for a long time and then things take a sudden turn in your relationship. But while you expected things to remain the same with your relationship, things on the outside were changing. You both were getting older. Perhaps some of your life goals have changed, evolved, or have not been realized. Maybe as time goes on, you don't like yourself as much as you use to. You don't feel as attractive or interesting to yourself and so of course these feelings are projected on your relationship.<br /><br />You start to wonder if he really thinks you are still attractive. Funny. Interesting. You start to turn off the lights before sex or you explain why you haven't asked your boss to consider you for the promotion--a hundred times! Your <b>self-esteem</b> is diminishing and so is your belief in the passion between the two of you. Meanwhile, he has no clue you feel like this and for that matter thinks your pot belly is a little cute. He wants you the same as before but thinks that you have lost interest with him.<br /><br />Aaah - the confusion. It's sort of like a bad Doris Day movie. You know with all the misunderstandings. Problem is in real life, there isn't always a neat and tidy Hollywood ending. To end your story nicely...even if you are working on yourself (and we all know that we are all works in progress:), you have to be able to step out of your comfort zone and keep talking to your partner. And don't assume that just because you aren't liking yourself right now - that he or she doesn't either.<br /><br />And for goodness sake, start working on <a href="http://www.girlshrink.com/advice.html">Improving Your Low Self Esteem</a> today!<br /><br /><hr><br />Lisa Angelettie, M.S.W., is a psychotherapist, author, and an online advice expert. She has been helping people make smarter life choices since 1998. Visit her for<a href="http://www.GirlShrink.com"> Advice & Counseling</a>, or a free <a href="http://www.girlshrink.com/depression_screening.html">Depression Screening</a> today.<br />Subscribe to the growing self-help ezine <a href="http://www.girlshrink.com/better_choices.html">"Better Choices"</a>. <br>Contact info: <A HREF="mailto:info@girlshrink.com"> info@GirlShrink.com </A><p>© GirlShrink Inc. The author grants reprint permission to opt-in publications and websites so long as the copyright and by-line are included intact and the article is not used in spam.<p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "pub-1764266818063482";
google_ad_width = 728;
google_ad_height = 90;
google_ad_format = "728x90_as";
google_ad_type = "text";
google_ad_channel ="";
google_color_border = "660099";
google_color_bg = "FFCCFF";
google_color_link = "000000";
google_color_url = "00008B";
google_color_text = "330066";
//--></script>
<script type="text/javascript"
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
</script></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8282409.post-1120018582721494592005-06-28T23:35:00.000-04:002005-06-29T00:16:22.746-04:00<b>Cheaters. Cheaters. Cheaters.</b><br /><br />Are you checking your lover's email? Phone messages? Mail? Pockets? <br /><br />If you are...guess what...you've got some serious trust issues, and it's just not healthy living for you or your relationship. There are some reasons for your behavior. Let's see -- you've been cheated on by him before. He has cheated on an ex before. Someone else cheated on you. Your father cheated on your mother. He's too cute for you. He's a flirt. You've been taught to never trust any man. <br /><br />Well, I'm here to tell you that "The Search" for something will lead you to just that--something. It may not really be what you think it is. A phone number here. A suspicious email there. But if you want to find something, then you will. And it's just toxic for how you deal with men now and in the future. You will never be able to enjoy your relationship for what it is now. Wouldn't you just rather have a great time and PERHAPS find out two years from now that he had a one night stand, then agonize about his fidelity for the entire two years. <br /><br />Hey, I don't know---I'm just saying. Enjoy your life. It's short. I'm absolutely not saying to stay with a cheater. But don't let the search consume your life. If he is going to cheat - he will cheat, and there's absolutely nothing you can do to stop that. <br /><br />So in the meantime, look really deep inside yourself and figure out where your trust issues stem from. And then tell yourself...I will not let someone else's bad judgment interfere with my today and with my future.<br /><br />*Side note: If you are in a relationship and you are <b>not</b> a habitual "searcher", and your instinct is telling you something is not right...then by all means...act on it.<br /><br />Much Success!<br />-GirlShrink<br /><br />Do you need to talk? Or do you need advice? A fresh perspective?<br />You can get what you need at <a href="http://www.girlshrink.com">www.Girlshrink.com</a> 24 hours a day. Advice and counseling that you can really apply to your life.<br /><br />Or to subscribe to the self-help GirlShrink newsletter "Better Choices", <br />please go to:<a href="http://www.girlshrink.com/better_choices.html">The Free GirlShrink Newsletter</a><div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "pub-1764266818063482";
google_ad_width = 728;
google_ad_height = 90;
google_ad_format = "728x90_as";
google_ad_type = "text";
google_ad_channel ="";
google_color_border = "660099";
google_color_bg = "FFCCFF";
google_color_link = "000000";
google_color_url = "00008B";
google_color_text = "330066";
//--></script>
<script type="text/javascript"
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
</script></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8282409.post-1119145280863206172005-06-18T21:22:00.000-04:002005-06-18T21:41:20.870-04:00When he says he can't be monogamousI must say. I do appreciate when a man can be honest about his feelings. His philosophies on life. His past. Honesty is really the key to sustaining any real relationship. But are we ready to handle the truth about a man and his feelings on being monogamous? <br /><br />Just the other day - a friend of mine said that she saw an old boyfriend from high school at a restaurant. He looked great and asked her to join him at his table. They talked about old times, and of course caught up on their lives.<br /><br />She left that dinner with his address, phone number, and a time and place for their next date. He was so excited about their reunion that he called her later that evening. He wanted to talk more. She was just as elated to hear from him. So they talked for about 90 minutes, and during that conversation he felt the need to be upfront on one of his realizations on life.<br /><br />He told her that he didn't believe monogamy worked. That is was just too much pressure to put on people in today's society. He said that he wanted to be upfront about it because he knew that a lot of women had problems with this way of thinking. He also added that he could already see that she was "forward thinking" and not weighed down by traditional norms of society. Uh - what? Anyway, she told me this whole story and ended it by saying that they seemed to have such a connection, that she was willing to at least explore the relationship and see where it might head. <br /><br />She said that she herself had cheated on boyfriends in the past - and that he may have something. Hey, at least he was honest. <br /><br />Well ladies - he does get an A for honesty. And maybe even an A for effort. And hey, let's throw one more in for the sheer confidence you must have in yourself to even lay that out on the table so early in the game. <br /><br />But I had to tell my friend that she was setting herself up. Of course it all looked good now - but once she got in deep and started really having feelings for this man - she would want him for herself. Its how we are raised in this society - and whether it is the best system or not - it is the system we have. Does that mean I am a conformist? Well, maybe. But more so it means that I am just not into man sharing. And I'm all about impulse control. Hey, if I have a nice pair of diamond earrings, but see a pair of ruby ones I like too but can't afford - am I going to take them because I think that I should have them? Uh - no.<br /><br />I'm not telling what you to do. Each person has to live their own lives. But I've heard it a million times. You know the truth. It isn't the greatest truth to hear. But you overlook it for a few months or even a year or so - until one day you realize that you should have never accepted that truth into your life. You should have stood behind your own philosophies. Your own truths. And only accept what you know makes sense to you.<br /><br />Much Success!<br />-GirlShrink<br /><hr><br />Do you need to talk? Or do you need advice? A fresh perspective?<br />You can get what you need at <a href="http://www.girlshrink.com">www.Girlshrink.com</a> 24 hours a day. Advice and counseling that you can really apply to your life.<br /><br />Or to subscribe to the self-help GirlShrink newsletter "Better Choices", <br />please go to:<a href="http://www.girlshrink.com/better_choices.html">The Free GirlShrink Newsletter</a><div class="blogger-post-footer"><script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "pub-1764266818063482";
google_ad_width = 728;
google_ad_height = 90;
google_ad_format = "728x90_as";
google_ad_type = "text";
google_ad_channel ="";
google_color_border = "660099";
google_color_bg = "FFCCFF";
google_color_link = "000000";
google_color_url = "00008B";
google_color_text = "330066";
//--></script>
<script type="text/javascript"
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
</script></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2