Should Your Fiance Sign A Prenup?

More and more women are entering the workforce making competitive salaries and/or starting their own successful businessess. In many cases, women are out-earning many of the men they are dating, and falling in love with men who make 10, 40, even 100,000 dollars less than they do.

So what's a girl to do when she's ready to marry? Is it necessary to do anything necessary to protect her financial security? Should her fiance sign a prenup? I think that a woman could make a strong case for either scenario.

Sign It!
If you choose to create a prenup for your fiance to sign, make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. To protect the financial security that you have created for yourself thus far. Anything that you two do together or make during the marriage should be fair game.

Make sure that this is not about a lack of trust issue on your end - especially if this is your first marriage. Perhaps you've heard some "horror stories" and you are a little frightened of becoming destitute if things end badly. Remember though that you should be marrying someone who you trust, who supports you, who adores you, and who is already self-sufficient financially.

Women who should consider a prenup are those who have already been through a bad divorce, have young children, or have a fiance that would be more comfortable signing one.

*Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are an example of a couple who should have had a prenup in place. Most of Britney's wealth was acquired before they met, and her husband didn't appear to be fiancially solvent prior to their union.

Don't Sign It!
Asking a man to sign a preup can be offensive and can really mess with a man's ego. So first, you need to ask yourself if you have this type of man. If you know that he is already sensitive about the fact that your salaries are not equal (or that he isn't making more), you should probably expect some resistance to the idea of a prenup. Or worse, you have someone who is offended but doesn't say anything and harbors resentment for the next year or even longer!

In this case, if you choose not to create a prenup for your upcoming union, just make sure that you are marrying a man that you trust will do the "right" thing even if things end up badly. For instance, if you divorce and you have primary custody of the children - will he demand to be bought out which in some cases leads to having sell the house. Or can you both come to an agreement on how he will move and you stay in the family home with the children. Think about the moral character of the man you are marrying - and most of all - trust your gut.

Why Halle Berry Is Not Getting Married

Couples like Halle Berry and her partner (model Gabriel Aubrey) are among the many couples who are deciding to "set up shop" but not necessarily tie the knot!

Many couples are choosing to be in monogamous relationships, live together, and have children - but not get married because of various reasons - but the biggest reason is one which may have developed completely in their heads.

Ask many of these couples, and a fair share of them have had plenty of heartache and disappointments with partners. Halle Berry has had two failed marriages as well as several other high-profile relationships that ended badly. Publicly announcing (on the Oprah™ Show) that she will never marry again, is a way to create an emotional wall of defense for herself.

The real point here is that marriage means many things to different people, and it is true that when couples marry, that they have certain "expectations" of what it means to be married. Clearly, her previous husbands did not meet her expectations nor did she meet theirs. And that happens...

But what she has also decided, is that perhaps something "happens" when she takes a relationship to the marriage level and has decided to avoid it entirely.

What you can learn from this though - is that nothing in particular happens to any one couple BECAUSE they got married. It's people's beliefs and expectations of marriage, and the ability OR inability to meet those expectations, that shape the future outcome of the relationship.

If you are considering whether marriage is right for you...you have to ask yourself: 1. What do I expect from marriage?
2. What kind of wife would I be?
3. What kind of husband would I be?
4. What do I expect from my partner?
5. What have I learned about marriage from my own parents?
6. What did I see growing up?
7. What did I dream would be different?
8. Ultimately, what kind of partnership do I want to create?

Knowing yourself FIRST, and who your partner is second - is key to entering a commitment as serious as marriage. Expecting your marriage to resemble any other marriage that you've seen or witnessed in your family or in books or television - is fatal. Or hoping that your marriage will miraculously be a "trouble-free" one is niave.

What's my point here? It troubles me when I hear high-profile personalities claim that not getting married is the key to their successful unions (Halle Berry, Oprah Winfrey, Susan Sarandon, Goldie Hawn). It gives the impression that the issue is the institution of marriage - when really it is the belief system of the two people that entered in that marriage.

Marriage is great folks...if you believe that it will be and if you are willing to put the work in to keep it that way.

Should You Avoid Conflict In Your Relationships?

My thoughts on this have long been brewing because I am a naturally combative person. Only verbally of course. But I do love a good debate. So I wonder sometimes if my thinking is a little skewed -- a little biased towards the confrontation. So I thought about it some more and I realized that I love the debate because as a child I was very non-confrontational.

I wanted all my friends to like me and I didn't want any trouble. Now while that is true for most kids -- it doesn't matter when you're living it. I knew even then...that I wasn't in my full power. I didn't like living in this non-confrontational bubble. I felt there were things I wanted to say that were never heard. I didn't have a voice.

So as I grew older and learned to speak up -- I realized that while it didn't solve every problem -- it did do something even more powerful. People heard me. People listened. People remembered me. And soon...people began to respect me for that. Your opinion...your thoughts... is all you have at the end of the day.

So to hold them back. To stifle them. To keep them locked up at the very bottom of your throat -- is not good. And probably can lead to all sorts of health problems if you ask me!

While I don't want to go out here and ruin anyone's marriage -- I also know that you need to think about the quality of that union if you are incapable of listening to the truth or at least someone's truth. If your relationship - your life is really "all that", you should be able to hear it all and then react like a normal human being -- not a stepford wife!

Live in truth...as much as you can...that's all I'm saying:)