Cheaters. Cheaters. Cheaters.

Are you checking your lover's email? Phone messages? Mail? Pockets?

If you are...guess've got some serious trust issues, and it's just not healthy living for you or your relationship. There are some reasons for your behavior. Let's see -- you've been cheated on by him before. He has cheated on an ex before. Someone else cheated on you. Your father cheated on your mother. He's too cute for you. He's a flirt. You've been taught to never trust any man.

Well, I'm here to tell you that "The Search" for something will lead you to just that--something. It may not really be what you think it is. A phone number here. A suspicious email there. But if you want to find something, then you will. And it's just toxic for how you deal with men now and in the future. You will never be able to enjoy your relationship for what it is now. Wouldn't you just rather have a great time and PERHAPS find out two years from now that he had a one night stand, then agonize about his fidelity for the entire two years.

Hey, I don't know---I'm just saying. Enjoy your life. It's short. I'm absolutely not saying to stay with a cheater. But don't let the search consume your life. If he is going to cheat - he will cheat, and there's absolutely nothing you can do to stop that.

So in the meantime, look really deep inside yourself and figure out where your trust issues stem from. And then tell yourself...I will not let someone else's bad judgment interfere with my today and with my future.

*Side note: If you are in a relationship and you are not a habitual "searcher", and your instinct is telling you something is not right...then by all means...act on it.

Much Success!

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Owen said...

From the viewpoint of a man, I've got to say this advice is right on! Suspicion, paranoia, insecurity - they all drive men nuts and drive us away. They make it impossible for either person to just enjoy a relationship. You're worried that he's cheating and he worries that you're going to find something totally innocent and freak out about it. About the third time this happens he's gone.

I think the part in the original post about issues (been cheated on before, father cheated on mother, etc.) is SO important to understand. It's called perspective and it colors every experience you have, to the point that you can even imagine things that aren't real, just to justify that perspective. If you have a feeling that all men cheat or that the one you're with will cheat on you, you need to examine where that came from and realize it's not him, it's you and your past. Innocent until proven guilty, right?

Owen Johnson

Muzooly said...

Hi Owen, I understand that it drives people nuts.. However, what if you had been cheated on before by that person? Innocent until proven guilty, absolutely, but he has been proven guilty, and I stayed. Now I am finding it hard to get past my feelings of he's going to do it again... I'm not good enough.. why did he do it in the first place... can I get over this..
what do you think? Some days are really good and others like today are really bad. I am not sure how to get past this, cos he does try hard to make this work. He has apologised and said it was a big mistake etc.. so I know he's sorry and wants to make things right, but it's so hard.

Ray said...

good luck with that, i tried to give my guy the benefit of the doubt and he took it for granted. I forgave him talked about it and put it to rest and never threw it in his face, a few month's later he has decided that the last five years of our lives together were exchange-able for 3 days with a person he swears he just met and now believes in those 3 wonderful days that she is the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Owen's right about one thing life is too short.....I had asked him time and time again to not hurt me just let me go if he wanted to be with someone else, I feel so betrayed and so foolish. Let him know this is not game of trust or wills. He either knows that you are the one or he mans up to giving you the peace of mind and let you go to find that someone special who will treat you with the respect and love you deserve.