An obvious way may be "Oh, I look horrible. I know you're going to cheat on me." A way that's not so obvious may be "I want you to call me no matter what at 10 every night because I worry." That person may be worried, but worried that you are out cheating on them.
Listen, no grown person should have to hold themselves accountable at the same time to their lover everyday. That's called curfew. And that's for children and teens. Not adults in a relationship. Therefore the person trying to have this type of "control" in the relationship is really suffering from a bad case of insecurity a.k.a. low self-esteem. They need to control the situation because they need to control you, and they need to control you because they don't trust that you love them enough to control yourself.
Do you hear it now? The silent killer of relationships? LOW SELF ESTEEM
At some point ladies and gentlemen, you have to believe in something. You have to believe that you are in a relationship with someone who cares about you and respects you enough to not hurt you. And if you do happen to get hurt... you have to believe that it is not the end of the world. That bad things happen and then life goes on. It really does. Don't be so afraid of the possibility of getting hurt that you either choose badly or don't choose anyone at all.
Low Self Esteem can be quite toxic in a relationship. You can be with someone for a long time and then things take a sudden turn in your relationship. But while you expected things to remain the same with your relationship, things on the outside were changing. You both were getting older. Perhaps some of your life goals have changed, evolved, or have not been realized. Maybe as time goes on, you don't like yourself as much as you use to. You don't feel as attractive or interesting to yourself and so of course these feelings are projected on your relationship.
You start to wonder if he really thinks you are still attractive. Funny. Interesting. You start to turn off the lights before sex or you explain why you haven't asked your boss to consider you for the promotion--a hundred times! Your self-esteem is diminishing and so is your belief in the passion between the two of you. Meanwhile, he has no clue you feel like this and for that matter thinks your pot belly is a little cute. He wants you the same as before but thinks that you have lost interest with him.
Aaah - the confusion. It's sort of like a bad Doris Day movie. You know with all the misunderstandings. Problem is in real life, there isn't always a neat and tidy Hollywood ending. To end your story nicely...even if you are working on yourself (and we all know that we are all works in progress:), you have to be able to step out of your comfort zone and keep talking to your partner. And don't assume that just because you aren't liking yourself right now - that he or she doesn't either.
And for goodness sake, start working on Improving Your Low Self Esteem today!
Lisa Angelettie, M.S.W., is a psychotherapist, author, and an online advice expert. She has been helping people make smarter life choices since 1998. Visit her for Advice & Counseling, or a free Depression Screening today.
Subscribe to the growing self-help ezine "Better Choices".
Contact info: info@GirlShrink.com
© GirlShrink Inc. The author grants reprint permission to opt-in publications and websites so long as the copyright and by-line are included intact and the article is not used in spam.