Designating A Leader in Your Relationship

Okay...many women I know -- especially those that have been single for quite a while cringe at the very mention of someone other than themselves "leading" in a relationship. It's difficult for many women who have been taking care of themselves financially and emotionally, very well I may add, to relinquish some control to another person.

What do I mean by control?

Well, I am definitely not saying that the man should walk around the house with a bat like a caveman, spewing out orders and demands. Uh - no way! What I am saying is that a relationship should always strive to be a partnership. And of course that is not going to be 50/50. That's really an almost impossible goal to strive for. But if there are decisions to be made within your relationship - they should be made together with the direction of a leader.

If you are much better with finances then your man - then both of you know that when it is time to make a fiscal decision, you both should talk about the issues together but with the general direction of yourself. Because you are more versed on financial matters. You make better decisions on finances. How do you decide that? Well, the proof is in the pudding. It should be clear based on actions who is the better money man (or woman:). And the other adult in the relationship should respect that and trust that your partner has the best interest of you both in mind.

If you have met a man who wants to please you, keep in mind that although he will need your input on just how to do that as your relationship grows - there will come a point when he knows you. And he knows you well. And he wants to take you out and show you a real nice time out on the town. So instead of directing him on where to go, what restaurant, what parking lot is cheaper to park at, and that if he sees a flower stand he should buy you a bouquet -- allow him the respect of making some of those decisions for himself. And be gracious about it - even if he buys you carnations -- because not everyone knows that those are filler flowers:)

Listen ladies, even if you still don't buy into what I'm saying -- I have to tell you that I have been with the same man since 1988 because I know when to "fall back" on certain things and allow him to take the lead - and then of course I know when to take the lead. It's a leading partnership - not a dictatorship. It may look on the outside that there is one leader, but you and he will know what it really is - and that it really works - and allows you to both be in the same room year after year without wanting to kill each other.

There is an art to it. And it does take time. But isn't that the great thing about relationships? Surviving the growing process?

Much Success!


Lisa Angelettie, M.S.W., is a psychotherapist, author, and an online advice expert. She has been helping people make smarter life choices since 1998. Visit her for Advice & Counseling, or take a free Depression Screening today.
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Hugh said...

OK. I agree with some of these things, but I am going to go out on a limb here and give you the guys perspective. I go into great long ranting detail in my blog Nice Guys Finish Last but I will summarize what I think a little right here.

The woman always always always always is the real leader in a relationship. She controls most things eventually (maybe not in the beginning) but given a large enough amount of time, the Woman will "lead" in a relationship. Now, I'm a self proclaimed nice guy, so this is to be expected coming from someone such as myself, but even my friends that are jerks to their girlfriends, after a certain period of time, lose all control in the relationship. I definetly agree with what you're saying, that women should let men think they are in control every once in a while. That is a great tactic. As long as we win once a month or something and we get our way, and our little princesses don't get their way, then us fellas are good to go.