I love pop culture like the next person - hey I was a teenager in the 80's! So while it shouldn't have, it did surprise me as the marriages associated the the popular music channel MTV have all gone down the drain in a matter of a year or two.
1. Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson
Probably very much in love at one time, but too exposed by the MTV show. Perhaps they had a support system that enjoyed the fame a bit more then even they did (Dad, Mom, Sister), adding to the demise of the marriage.
2. Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro
They don't have the "young and dumb" thing to fall back on, they were a bit more established then the other two couples. Again - too muchexposure in what was already two very over-exposed lives. Actress & Rocker.
3. Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler
These two weren't as well known...but sounds like the may have had some problems prior to MTV and then after MTV. Perhaps a very different view of what their marriage was going to be like. It seems the husband may have been along for the MTV ride, while the wife wanted to definitely capitalize on the publicity and notoriety. Plus they moved a bit fast...marriage, kids, reality show...DIVORCE!
Bottom line? Respect your relationship when you fall in love and decide to commit. Especially when you are first starting out. It's easy to think that when you first fall in love that everything will be alright - that nothing could possibly interfere in that relationship...but it can and it will. Relationships are tested everyday...and these poor three couples failed their tests miserably.
Don's set yourself up for failure...respect that your relationship is sacred, fragile, but beautiful.
Eharmony Failure -- When You Don't Meet Your Perfect Match
As an online advice expert, I am always getting questions from men and women (mostly women) about which is the safest and most reputable online dating service. Online dating still continues to have a stigma of "desperation" to some -- of which I don't agree. Hey, look at Dr. Phil and Match.com!
I have always recommended Eharmony, because I like the fact that personality types are taken into consideration and that you have to pay - which usually means a bit of a stronger commitment to the process. Right?
Well, unfortunately online dating, or any dating for that matter:), is not a perfect science. And sometimes with all the assessments in the world - you still may meet Mr. Wrong. You still may meet a grown man with 16 year old intentions. Just playing around.
This happened to a couple of clients of mine. Not just with Eharmony -- but those particular clients were a bit more surprised by the outcome of their matches then the other users. Because of course these people paid to meet their soulmate - so why wouldn't they take it seriously? Maybe they do. Maybe you two aren't as perfect as you think - right?
So while I highly recommend this site, just remember that it is not a sure thing. Use your judgement and your instincts, and don't be discouraged. Keep trying. Because you know what I believe -- that there is a lid for every pot!
*If you want to talk about an online dating experience gone wrong. Send me a letter. If you just want to share it on the blog - add your comment for others to read.
-GirlShrink
Does Your Partner Like Pets?
I like for my nine year old dog - Pepperz - to sleep at the foot of the bed. It makes me feel safe and I think she feels comfortable:) What's interesting is that about eight years ago - my husband was dead set against it. He didn't want a dog in the bedroom, much less our bed.
He would wake up everyday saying "Oh the hair is in my throat! The hair is in my throat!" I would just look at him like he was a drama queen and roll over.
Now of course my hubby has grown to love Pepperz almost as much as I do. She gives her belly rubs, asks once in a while if I have fed her yet, and will play a little ball with her outside. And of course she sleeps at the foot of the bed every night.
But now that I look back on it - was it selfish of me to just roll over and dismiss his feelings? Yes. Because it could of really gone either way. He could of really grown to resent Pepperz, and treated both she and I horribly because of it.
What would I have done if he had asked me to give away our dog? I don't think I would have. We would have had a knock down, drag out fight about it.
Another couple I know of adopted a rottweiler. Now that's a big dog that needs a lot of care and they also had two small children. The wife was completely against it because she didn't really like dogs and she knew that it would be up to her to do most of the care of the pet because her husband worked overtime and worked far from home.
Hubby didn't agree and got that dog anyway. What he didn't realize was that while he grew up with dogs all his life - his mother took care of those dogs. Including loving them. He just didn't have the time. So the dog grew to be a big point of conflict in their relationship. She was like "I told you so" and he didn't want to admit defeat. Eventually - they had to give away the dog to the pound. Very sad for everyone because the wife feels a bit guilty, the husband is sad, and the dog has a good chance of being put to sleep.
Remember that a pet is a big commitment. Especially within the confines of a relationship. If you get one...
1. See how your partner feels about it.
2. Ask whether or not he grew up with pets.
3. Know that you will be 100% responsible for the care of the pet and probably for loving it as well.
4. Be willing to compromise on the "rules" for the pet.
5. Don't get the pet until you have really talked it through. Its unfair to the pet.
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Does Online Therapy Work - You Betcha!
In a recent article written in Newsweek Magazine, writer Temma Ehrenfeld explored an area already very familiar to us - Virtual Therapy. The article discussed how many people are turning to online therapy because of its triple whammy benefits:
1. Convenience
2. Affordability
3. Anonymity (our favorite!)
I mean if you think about it - doesn't it seem silly to pay all that money to a woman in an office downtown somewhere who wants to really spend a few months getting to know you before she makes an assessment? I'm clinically trained, and I even think its ridiculous. There are just some things that you can talk about online.
Your Feelings
Your Relationship
Your Depression
Your Fears
Your Children
Your Job
Your Family
And the list goes on and on. Now, I draw the line to diagnosis. I don't think anyone can or should be diagnosed online. That is what a visit to your practitioner is for. But if you need direction, a listening ear, a reasonable solution to a problem - online advice, counseling, therapy, coaching etc. is the right choice for you.
To learn more about it go here: Advice/Counseling Info
-GirlShrink
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The Pressure of New Years Eve
Let's face it - some of us put an incredible amount of pressure on our partners and ourselves when it comes to New Years Eve. Whether or not we like to admit it - we tend to be superstitious about this type of thing. If we aren't together we...
1. Feel very lonely
2. Feel like no one loves us
3. Feel like losers:)
4. Feel like this will set the tone for the rest of the year
5. Feel like we need to make some serious changes
Its incredible pressure. And its even worse for couples that are together. If you don't choose "something" to do you feel like this may be reflective of your entire relationship - boring. Ideas for couples?
1. Go to church
2. Go to a friend's house for dinner
3. Take control and throw your own small party
4. Have a romantic dinner and champagne toast with each other
5. Play board games with your kids
6. Do something you did the first year you met
Try not to...
1. Go to sleep before 12
2. Watch the ball drop on T.V.
3. Argue with each other about what you're not doing
4. Get completely drunk and sloppy
I know you don't believe me everyone but New Year's Eve is just another calendar day folks. Relax and enjoy the time with your partner or your family or even yourself. Happy New Year's!
-GirlShrink
Are you depressed? In a bad relationship? Been cheated on? There are experts waiting to help you RIGHT NOW at GirlShrink.com
1. Feel very lonely
2. Feel like no one loves us
3. Feel like losers:)
4. Feel like this will set the tone for the rest of the year
5. Feel like we need to make some serious changes
Its incredible pressure. And its even worse for couples that are together. If you don't choose "something" to do you feel like this may be reflective of your entire relationship - boring. Ideas for couples?
1. Go to church
2. Go to a friend's house for dinner
3. Take control and throw your own small party
4. Have a romantic dinner and champagne toast with each other
5. Play board games with your kids
6. Do something you did the first year you met
Try not to...
1. Go to sleep before 12
2. Watch the ball drop on T.V.
3. Argue with each other about what you're not doing
4. Get completely drunk and sloppy
I know you don't believe me everyone but New Year's Eve is just another calendar day folks. Relax and enjoy the time with your partner or your family or even yourself. Happy New Year's!
-GirlShrink
Are you depressed? In a bad relationship? Been cheated on? There are experts waiting to help you RIGHT NOW at GirlShrink.com
Surviving The Holidays When Your Relationship Is Over
If your relationship is on the skids or is completely kaput - you are probably feeling extra vulnerable during the holiday season.
This time of year can be rough on a newly single person. Especially, because we have all these expectations of what our holidays should be like. Spending time with your sweetie. Shopping. Sharing holiday traditions. Meeting the family. Etc.
And no one wants to be alone during holidays that remind you of family.
So while there is nothing you can do about it right away - after all the holidays are quickly creeping up on us, here are some strategies you can practice to try and manage the loneliness.
1. Do not isolate yourself. Self-imposed isolation is not only bordering on being a martyr - but it's not productive. Breaking up is hard enough, but during the holidays only amplifies things. Go out. Be around people. Your family. People you work with. Be kind to strangers:) Whatever! Just get out.
2. Try not to project your own feelings on your family members. Ex. Don't believe that they are all sitting around talking about your break-up or wondering when you are ever going to bring someone around on the holidays. You might just be paranoid. Even family has other things to talk about other than you:)
3. Stay true to your traditions. Don't stop your normal holiday routine just because one small part of the equation has been temporarily or permanently eliminated. That's what's great about life. It can be adjusted and manipulated to satisfy your new circumstances. Go buy the tree. Celebrate Chanukah. Or make your Kwanzaa gifts as usual.
Finally, allow yourself to feel something about what is happening. Anger. Sadness. Regret. Whatever the emotions are. Allow yourself to work through them - just don't do it for 3 weeks, stuck in your bedroom:) Keep yourself into the flow of your life - but balance your need to be a little sad about it. It's okay:)
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Are you depressed? In a bad relationship? Been cheated on? There are experts waiting to help you RIGHT NOW at GirlShrink.com
This time of year can be rough on a newly single person. Especially, because we have all these expectations of what our holidays should be like. Spending time with your sweetie. Shopping. Sharing holiday traditions. Meeting the family. Etc.
And no one wants to be alone during holidays that remind you of family.
So while there is nothing you can do about it right away - after all the holidays are quickly creeping up on us, here are some strategies you can practice to try and manage the loneliness.
1. Do not isolate yourself. Self-imposed isolation is not only bordering on being a martyr - but it's not productive. Breaking up is hard enough, but during the holidays only amplifies things. Go out. Be around people. Your family. People you work with. Be kind to strangers:) Whatever! Just get out.
2. Try not to project your own feelings on your family members. Ex. Don't believe that they are all sitting around talking about your break-up or wondering when you are ever going to bring someone around on the holidays. You might just be paranoid. Even family has other things to talk about other than you:)
3. Stay true to your traditions. Don't stop your normal holiday routine just because one small part of the equation has been temporarily or permanently eliminated. That's what's great about life. It can be adjusted and manipulated to satisfy your new circumstances. Go buy the tree. Celebrate Chanukah. Or make your Kwanzaa gifts as usual.
Finally, allow yourself to feel something about what is happening. Anger. Sadness. Regret. Whatever the emotions are. Allow yourself to work through them - just don't do it for 3 weeks, stuck in your bedroom:) Keep yourself into the flow of your life - but balance your need to be a little sad about it. It's okay:)
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Are you depressed? In a bad relationship? Been cheated on? There are experts waiting to help you RIGHT NOW at GirlShrink.com
When You Choose To Be Alone Out Of Fear
There are some women out here who simply rather not deal with the trials and tribulations of getting to know a new man. It's just too difficult. And it leaves you quite vulnerable to the risks of heartbreak.
But there really is truth in all the cliches about living a life in fear. It is no life at all. Because most people are wishing that they could take the risks and make the decisions that people do everyday - people who are living life and taking chances.
The author of A Million Little Pieces
, James Frey, mentioned on Oprah how he rather deal with physical pain then deal with the pain of heartbreak. That was a powerful statement - but the reality of his life is that he has learned how to face all of his fears, both physical and emotional. And it was the key to saving his life.
And it's the key to living your life as well. Take 15 minutes today and write a list of your 5 biggest fears. Ones that stop you from evolving in any part of your life. They could be a fear of spiders or they could be a fear of sounding silly to someone - so you say nothing at all.
You can begin by looking at pictures of spiders in a National Geographic Magazine:) Or you can begin by talking to the neighbor who you never say more than hello to.
Don't let fear stop you from meeting someone special. You could really be missing out.
-GirlShrink
Are you depressed? In a bad relationship? Been cheated on?
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Private email & chat sessions are quick, affordable, and they work!
But there really is truth in all the cliches about living a life in fear. It is no life at all. Because most people are wishing that they could take the risks and make the decisions that people do everyday - people who are living life and taking chances.
The author of A Million Little Pieces, James Frey, mentioned on Oprah how he rather deal with physical pain then deal with the pain of heartbreak. That was a powerful statement - but the reality of his life is that he has learned how to face all of his fears, both physical and emotional. And it was the key to saving his life.And it's the key to living your life as well. Take 15 minutes today and write a list of your 5 biggest fears. Ones that stop you from evolving in any part of your life. They could be a fear of spiders or they could be a fear of sounding silly to someone - so you say nothing at all.
- Whatever they are - write them down.
- Pick one.
- Make a decision to face that fear.
- Give yourself a goal of when to face it.
- Begin trying a little each day.
You can begin by looking at pictures of spiders in a National Geographic Magazine:) Or you can begin by talking to the neighbor who you never say more than hello to.
Don't let fear stop you from meeting someone special. You could really be missing out.
-GirlShrink
Are you depressed? In a bad relationship? Been cheated on?
There are experts waiting to help you at GirlShrink.com
Private email & chat sessions are quick, affordable, and they work!
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